after i dealt with the robot mouse pirates of babylon i felt the need to wipe my super solid skin with something nasty, something that reeked of pure mud. which is why i ask you (the reader) if you can spare me any mud wipes. THAMKS!!!!!11! LOL!!1

I gave a homeless man tickets to a waterpark and when he wasn't looking I strapped a gigantic bomb on his back and sent him on his way. At the water park, the homeless man jumped into a pool but as soon as the homeless man touched the water, the bomb detonated causing a massive shockwave blast destroying the entire waterpark within an instant, flinging the homeless man into the clouds and his lifeless body crash landed into the glass wall of a building. The massive shockwave blast caused a tsunami and gallons of water to break loose flooding the streets of London within an instant. over 300 hundreds civilians drowned to death with buildings and cars being consumed by the flood and policemen being eaten alive by the tsunami.

back when i was homeless i got into a fight with this morbidly obese homeless man called jackson the third. we got into a fight over the last beer and we fought about it all day until i snapped and broke a glass bottle and stabbed him in the belly with a shard of glass. i then forcefully pulled of the bloody glass shard from his fat belly and his stomach exploded all over the streets with his organs flying all over the place, me noticing this took an opportunity to get myself fed. I took each one of his organs and fried them in the middle of the words and ate them all up for my dinner and midnight snack.

for those curious heres the recipe:

First I stab the obese homeless in the stomach and his internal organs exploded into the streets, I then carefully collected each one of his organs and then put them in a bag to take home. Once I reached home I unpacked my bag of organs, turned on my stove with a frying pan on it and carefully placed each organ into the pan whilst drizzling vegetable oil on top. As it cooked I added some of my favourite seasonings which include garlic powder, black pepper, thyme and chili powder to make it taste the best it can be. After the organs were finished I then placed each one onto my plate of choice and sprinkled a few more spices which were smoked paprika, Himalayan salt and onion powder. It was extremely delicious

how i became homeless:

1. Once in class i was beaten up by three buff men who kicked me in the arse and threw me into the streets

how my parents died :

Once I was smoking 23 ciggys in my mouth all at once. At the same time my family came to visit to supply me with 46 bottles of beer and 643 packs of cigarettes. Anyway whilst I was enjoying the scent of Tobacco I mistakenly dropped all the 23 lit cigarettes in my mouth onto the floor. The fire from the cigs went onto a nuclear substance killing my parents in a fiery gas explosion

alcoholism:

And I love alcohol so much that when someone has alcohol Infront of me I bark like a dog as my stomach growls loudly hungry for more beer, I lick my lips as my throat is excited to be refreshed. I then jump stealing the bottle from the person then I nock them to the ground and claw at their body as I pull out their liver and stomach and squeeze it above my mouth for more alcohol

my brother jumped out of me once